REMEMBERING WHO I AM

Some of the most common things in life can teach us the most. Take for example a common dog toy - like the one in the photo. Now forget for a moment that it's been in my dog's mouth, and see if you can imagine the toy as a representation of all that there is: creation, creator, all of it. Imagine the core of the ball as the energy, the consciousness out of which we all arise. On the surface, we extrude from all-oneness into individual forms - I'm an extrusion, you're an extrusion, your friend is an extrusion, that person you can't stand is an extrusion….all of us coming out of the same oneness, individuating into the world.

It's not that hard to imagine that, at the core, “we are all one.” But in the throes of our “extrudedness” (new word!), it appears to be a very different story. Why is that?

As extrusions, we develop bodies, minds, emotions, imaginations, and we accumulate experiences and memories, all forming what we can generically call ego. That's the “me” who identifies with the physical/material/emotional/imaginative aspects of who I am - often to the exclusion of remembering that who I am at the core is oneness. It's the ego-me who can get so caught up in my own processes and stories that I begin to think this extrusion is who I am, and that your extrusion is who you are. In that confusion, we see our individuated selves are our only selves. But we know that's not the case, because otherwise we wouldn't repeatedly ask ourselves “who am I?”. I've heard it said that the extruded self is actually only about 10% of our entire consciousness, our deeper essence making up the 90%. I know - it seems like the opposite is true; but perhaps that's simply because we're not very aware of the deeper 90%. Perhaps we've simply forgotten who we are.

I find the oft-repeated words of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin a very helpful reminder: 

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience,

we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

When we forget who we are at the core, when we forget that who we are is spiritual consciousness extruding into the world of human beingness, we experience separation. Separation shows up as judgment, comparison, attachment, approval, right/wrong, good/bad, superior/inferior, and the like. On the other hand, awareness of our spiritual being, our oneness, shows up as loving, acceptance, wisdom, peace, joy. To me, it's a challenge - but also quite a gift - to consider that oneness is a whopping 90% of who I am. That gives me a lot of awareness to look forward to. And it's reassuring, when I get lost in extrusion-land, to remember that separation is a paltry 10% of my experience.

I need reminders of that because it's so darn easy and seductive to focus on the extruded ego-me, eclipsing my awareness of the me who is consciously loving, consciously aware, consciously knowing, consciously Spirit itself. So I keep a dog toy on my desk to help me be more aware, to remind me that I am IN the world, but not OF the world. I keep it to remind me that so are you. And so is that person next to you. And that one I judge. And that one I envy. And that one I ignore. I keep a goofy old dog toy around to remind me that if I'm not experiencing love, it's simply because I've forgotten who I am.